Fkboy Chronicles: The Romantic Fkboy
I’m going to be 100% honest with you: I thought this was a dumb idea. Theo calls me up one day talking about how he’s tired of the “code” and feels that women need to know what’s “really” up. First of all, I don’t even like the term “fkboy”. It is a little degrading and hardly captures what I’m truly about. Secondly, I don’t intentionally lead women on. It’s simply how I act. But, for the sake of the blog (as Theo puts it), I have to be totally and completely honest with you. So just brace yourself for all the raw and ugly details of my confusing love life.
My name is Chad. I’m a 26-year-old particularly “light” Italian and Cherokee mix with my own event planning company. I’ve known Theo and Troy for over 15 years. I can’t exactly recall the very moment I became who I am, nor can I tell you why. Well, I probably can but it’ll definitely be a lot later. On any given day, I’m communicating with between 5 and 7 women at once. Hopefully Theo has cleared this one golden rule up but if not, here it is: we do not break hearts, we collect them. That song “Jar of Hearts” was solely dedicated to the true fkboys in this world. I guess I’m the “Romantic Fkboy”. I love the “gifts” that a happy woman can bring. I’m not only speaking of material gifts, but all types. You know, consistent sex, cooking, and not to mention the feast my own ego has been receiving.
You see, unlike Theo, I don’t have a “rock”. I’ve been single for about six years now and it’s helped me along the way. There are a variety of fkboys; I’m sure you’re aware of this. The one you’re meeting now, yours truly, is called a “Romantic Fkboy”. My ability to make any woman feel like they're the only one easily puts me in this category. You see, the thing about my kind is that we have an ass-load of unused potential. I can make you feel like your smile is the reason my eyes were made with 20/20 vision, then make you feel like your breathing is giving me a headache; all at once. Even so, I’m smart with it. I know how to twist and turn things, making them immediately your fault. The girls I talk to, which you’ll meet, will have code names based on where they are from. Partially because we want to remain incognito, and partially because they really don’t matter. Not many of them have ever mattered except one.
The closest thing I have to a “rock” though is my best friend, Maureen. General fkboys have their “rock”, while romantic fkboys nearly always have a best girl-friend. It’s not in a romantic way though, as much as I’d love that. I met Maureen in college and while all the other girls was trying to get with me, I was trying to get with her. Finally she told me straight up that she saw that I needed a friend, and to stop trying to sleep and romance with every pretty female I see. Maureen isn’t just pretty, no. Maureen is breathtaking with long black hair and the softest tone of dark brown skin you’ll ever see. Many have tried, no one will ever get the love I got for my best friend, Maureen. I remember exactly how the conversation went when I told her I was doing this:
“A blog? What the hell has Theo been smoking on now?” she said, while she rolled a fatty of her own. I remember she had her long hair pulled up into a bun and she was laying on the blanket I’d just laid down in front of the T.V. Smoking and playing video games, that’s our past time.
“Man, I don’t even know, Mo’,” I said, calling her by the nickname I’d given her back in college, “he just said it’d be fun. He’s been acting strange since he started washing with that new soap.” Maureen snickered at my bad joke, shaking her head as she kept on rolling up.
“Well, it isn’t like anyone is going to read it anyway, other than me and maybe Alicia, once her crazy ass digs deep enough and finds it,” she said. She put the blunt to her lips and sparked it up. She’d just gotten her nails done, I knew it by the way she’d looked so excited when I told her I liked them. “So you gon do it or what?” she said after blowing out a big puff of smoke and handing it to me.
“I don’t know yet. I don’t even think I’m a fkboy like that. Theo and Troy are the ones who claim that title so hard.” I replied as I took the blunt that she passed. She looked at me and rolled her eyes.
“You’re one of the worst kind: a Romantic Fkboy in denial,” she says.
