Love, Sex & Relationships: Love Rehab
Many people know all too well the struggles of deciding whether to keep their relationship public or private. Like many readers, I kept my relationships public. I would think to myself, “What could it hurt? They are only trying to understand my story and they're trying to help." Don’t get me wrong; some people have good intentions, but many just don’t care whether or not your relationship succeeds or fails.
Story time. Boy meets girl, girl meets girl, boy meets boy, etc. Often times when you first realize that you want to be with this person, you get excited. A rush of adrenaline hits you and your heart stammers. Your cheeks flush. You catch yourself smiling uncontrollably and you want to tell everyone you know how happy you are with this person. Unfortunately, bliss doesn’t last forever. You will fight, you will argue, and it might even be over the smallest of things you would otherwise overlook. You find yourself wanting to vent, to express the emotions that you have been concealing from your significant other and to sort out your own thoughts.
Here’s where people make mistakes; they tend to vent about their relationship to those around them. Now, it’s okay to vent and seek advice on how to handle situations that you’re unfamiliar with, but the most crucial point to reflect on is who is this person you are venting to and seeking advice from? People live for drama they seek it out and run with it. Why? Because it is addicting for them. It’s a drug which triggers a part of their brain causing them to crave the activity. Many people claim that they hate drama, yet they are the first ones on the scene when everything hits the fan. Your arguments and unhappiness is like a sitcom to them. They don’t truly care because it doesn’t involve them. You shouldn’t run to your friends every time your significant other annoys you or when they let you down. Relationships are meant to be private and intimate; something that you share only with your lover, not with the whole world not even your best friend. This is because you leave them with the negative image that you’ve painted for them of your relationship and of your significant other. You can never take back the things that you have said to them especially the words out of anger.
Take this as an example; you’ve just had an argument and now you feel the need to run and vent to your friends. The most common thing to say is, “He/she ain’t sh*t!” or “I can’t stand him/her. I don’t know why I even put up with him/her anymore.” Now obviously for you the next step would be to apologize and reconcile while the people that you have just vented to are left with all of the negative thoughts of this person you love. You will forgive your significant other long before anyone else would. No one knows your lover like you do. You have that level of intimacy with them that outsiders do not and cannot even comprehend. Even after you have forgiven them or apologized for your part, your friends will still say, “They ain’t sh*t” or “Why do you keep going back when all they do is treat you like sh*t!” Now, keep in mind, they only know what you have told them and they don’t see the bigger picture. They don’t see the things that you yourself may have done to cause the argument because when we are angry we don’t say what we have done; we tend to just say all the negative things our significant other has done.
It’s understandable that we do need someone to talk to because we overlook the important details. It’s only human nature to be stubborn and to feel like you’re always right. So, talk to your parents; real parents. They will not judge you and they will hear your situation out. They will not pick sides, but rather try to listen to you completely and see things from both sides. They will give you advice based on their experiences and they will never think any less of you or your relationship because they love you and only want the best for you.
You will argue and fight then you will forgive because no relationship is ever perfect. It is something that you have to work for, earn, and cherish. It is all the hard work you have put into it that is what makes it blossom into something amazing. So always remember that sometimes having your relationship in the public eye is not the best thing. You should aim to keep your relationship intimate and communicate with the source of your problems, your significant other, or your parents - not your cousin Kiki twice removed, or your circle of “homies” who always seem to be single.
Also, don’t bottle things up only to explode all of your problems onto the outside world. Your relationship is not entertainment for anyone out there.
When you’re mad take a breather or even walk away, then come back later when things have calmed down and try to have a calm and understanding conversation. Try to hear your significant other out on how they feel and give back loving responses. Make them feel like their feelings matter just as much as yours do. Taking these steps will help your relationship become stronger and it can withstand anything that is thrown your way.
