Grow Your Family: Part 2 of 2
Many people have two different views on the next order of things, and I honestly feel it is how you and your family are, as well as the age of your current children. Some parents have a conversation with their kids to see how they feel about siblings. Of course, this is something that can easily be done without actually announcing there is another bundle of joy on the way or telling them you are trying; let’s face it, no kid would want to know that! One day we were playing with my daughter and her dolls, and I casually asked her if she wanted a brother or sister. She giggled and nodded, telling me she would love brothers and sisters; yes plural, because she needs more friends to play with. Mind you, my daughter was 1 1/2 years old at the time, and all children are subject to change their minds, but it’s a start, at least, to see how our child or children feels about the situation.
The next step is very crucial. Working towards expanding your family. We, of course, will not be going into detail with this but I will give you all some lessons I have learned. It doesn't always happen right away, these things take time. If trying the old fashion way, do not get frustrated if you do not get pregnant right away. High anxiety and stress can make conception more difficult, just remember to keep the frustration and stress down and that it will happen when it is meant to be. As always with any concerns you can always talk to your doctor. Let's fast forward shall we?
You have found out you are having a new bundle of joy. You are excited and terrified all at the same time, ready to embark on the next chapter as a family. This all starts with telling your spouse and your family. How you chose to do this is completely up to you. How is your family dynamic? Use your imagination and creativity! With younger children it is always a great idea to make the announcement something to be excited about and telling them in a clear and gentle way. This is something as a family you can all be excited and prepare for so why announce it any other way but in an exciting way!
Remember, it is not just you bringing another life into the family, but your children having a new sibling; which to them can be exciting but frightening as well. If your child is an only child it may be a harder transition as they are used to having their parents all to themselves. Studies have shown that some children may begin to feel at a certain point their parents are replacing them or the new baby will take over their role in your life. As we all know this could never happen so it is always a good idea to always show your child that you love them unconditionally and no one could take their place.
Each child is unique and their own individual but here are some tips of how to help your child with the transition to having a new sibling; it is recommended to start helping the transition almost immediately after your child learns they are going to be a big brother or sister.
1. Family Fun Day: A day where your child pics what you do all day long from what you have for meals, where you go, what you do. For example: Chocolate chip pancakes with whip cream for breakfast, going to the zoo as a family to see all the animals, going to see the new kids movie at the theater, Chuck-E-Cheese trip, or any other thing your child might enjoy. The point of this it is their choice for the day; of course as a parent you can have some say when it comes to a child's health or safety -- for example if your child has an allergy of a food.
2. One on One Time: A day just you and your child. Each spouse should have a day like this as often as possible even after the new baby has arrived. What you do for this day is up to you and your child to spend how you want.
3. Big Sibling Shower: This is a new idea that had come across my lap recently when I was personally looking at ways to help my daughter through the transition. Many parents expecting a bundle of joy have a baby shower, so why not have a big sibling shower? It is a party for your child, to celebrate them and help them get excited about being a big sibling. This in itself is reaffirming that the new baby is a great and positive thing for each member of the family.
4. Keep Your Child Involved: Of course you don't have to again go into details of doctors appointments but keep your child involved during your pregnancy. Let them know and feel when the baby is kicking, let them talk to their sibling. Even ask for their opinion when decorating the nursery. This is again a great way to reaffirm that this is an exciting and positive thing for the family.
5. Expose Child To Other Big Siblings: Do your friends or family members have more than one child? Maybe ask them if they want to set up a play date or to all spend time together maybe have a BBQ. This gives your child to see how it is to have siblings through their friends; plus a great time to ask for advice and tips from your fellow parents!
In the end, make choices that are best for you, your child and your family. Take these tips and put your own twist and style to it; make them your own. Even do a bit more research and find other tips. However, keep these in mind; a beautiful little soul is joining your family, positive reinforcement, remind your child you love them every second you get, and to keep them excited for their sibling. Once the new baby arrives even with how exhausting it is to have a new bundle of joy around, never forget to take one on one time with your older child or children. Have set days a week or month for one on one or family days. Is there something your child is really interested in or loves? Find a way to incorporate this in their life at home and even find a program or fun way they can explore this interest with other kids. Always remember, children are our future and there is no greater thing than to be a parent. Keep in mind though we never mean to focus more on one child than the other; especially if one is a newborn or something big is going on with that child, to show all of your children the same amount of love, give your time to them every day. For those who work, set up a set time a day be it cuddling up and reading a book or watching their favorite movie for the 100th time at night, or even just listening to how their day was. I wish you all luck and congratulations on your beautiful families.
